Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thanksgiving Cream of Corn, YUCK!

“Man does not live on bread alone…”

MISSY:
“Time for Dinner” Missy’s mom called down the hall.  Four kids scrambled about to wash their hands and run to the kitchen.  Missy’s dad was already at the table as her mom stood at the counter getting the food on the kid’s plates.  Missy walked up to the table to sit on the chair at the very end.  Just before she could sit her sister Sherry, the oldest of the clan, grabbed her shoulder.  “No Missy, I’m sitting here!  You sit over there because it really is the perfect chair for you.  See its right next to Ralphy and you really love him so it is perfect for you.  I sit here in the 7 year old chair and Candy can sit right next to me!”  Missy did not completely understand the logic, but her sister was very persuasive and it sounded like she knew exactly what she was talking about so Missy sat in the chair next to her brother Ralphy who took his fork and spoon in both hands and started playing them like drums on his plate.  Seeing that her dad did not object to the sound, she joined in pounding her plate.  Of course Candy started in as soon as she was up on her knees and Sherry started dictating how all the parts should sound together. 
“Alright kids, it’s time to eat.”  Missy’s dad finally said with a smile. 
Sherry got her food first, “Oh yes, Cream of Corn!” Missy felt her stomach grumble and was so excited, she loved corn.  Missy’s plate was next.  Where was it?  All she saw was their Thanksgiving meal leftovers… turkey meat, mashed potatoes, corn bread and that yellow runny stuff she so skillfully avoided this past Thursday.  After the prayer Missy seemed to question the yellow configuration, it might be the corn.  After avoiding it as long as possible and enjoying the rest of her food, she blankly starred at it.  “Eat your cream of corn Missy.”  Her mom said. Oh good, it was corn.  She leaned down and smelled the plate and jerked her head back with a frown.
“She does not like it mom.” Sherry reminded everyone.  “Remember when she wouldn’t eat it before?”
“Sherry!” Her mom said with a hush motion.
Oh yea, Missy thought, this tastes like barf!  Even smelling it brought the horrifying memory back of her first bite of this slobbery slime when she was probably only Candy’s age.  One little nibble and she had hated it!  At the time she watched her younger brother, then only a baby, refuse to eat his food. Realizing for the first time that she actually had a choice in the matter, Missy decided that this horrible tasting goo was not going near her lips again.  She remembered her mom getting more frustrated at each refusal to eat it.  “Missy!” Her mom had finally said, knowing how much Missy hated being dirty, “If you don’t take a bite right now I’m going to rub that in your face!”  Missy remembered her mom making the threat. She remembered tearfully objecting. She also remembered the feeling of that horrible smelling runny yellow gung being rubbed all over her face.  The worst stink and the most awful feeling in the world, just like death!   Of course now she was older, 5 years old to be exact, maybe it’s not as bad as she remembers.  Candy, her 2 year old sister was gobbling it up with no problem.  Missy took the smallest bit on the edge of her spoon.  She stared at the substance for several moments.  She looked around and noticed that even Ralphy, the most picky eater after Sherry, was finishing up and being excused from the table. 
It’s not like its manna, she thought, that horrible stuff that her grandma told her the Isolates had to eat in the dessert for like 400 years!  That stuff had no taste but those people were thankful because it kept them alive.  So she just told herself that it’s corn, no big deal!  Watching the rest of the kids get done, one by one, Missy mustered up the courage she needed.  Quickly, she took in the bite and quickly, spit it out. Worse than she remembered!  Gagging and coughing until it was all out she thought, how disgusting!
“Don’t spit out your food Missy!” Her mom quickly said.  “You have to eat at least one bite.”  NO! Fearing the nightmare of this yucky guckyness on any part of her skin, she finished her repulsing bite avoiding another cream of corn face plant.  The taste tweaked her face and ruined everything else she had eaten.  “Missy, you are a good eater.  Don’t pretend you don’t like this.  It’s just your imagination.”
But Missy knew she hated cream of corn.  She would rather eat a whole plate of that no-tasting manna then one bite of this!  How could she explain to her mom that there really were exceptions to her willing palate?  “Mom, ah-eed awter!”  Her mom gave her some water.  There didn’t seem to be enough water to wash it away.
The cream of corn aroma made her choke again, reminding her of the dreadful experience of having that devil dish on her toddler face.  Thinking about it brought up a gag reflex and placed a shiver down her spine.  Hearing her sisters and brother starting up another music band with their tooth brushes and the toothpaste tube, Missy hurried to the bathroom thanking God that was over with.  She never before looked so forward to brushing her teeth free from dinner.

~~~~~~

“He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.”
Deuteronomy 8:3

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Thanksgiving Game Show


We are here at the Thanksgiving Game Show where giving thanks breads JOY!
(Audience applause)
Today we have 4 contestants who are playing for the grand prize.  Who will leave here OVERjoyed?
(Cue music)
Let’s meet our contestants:
Contestant #1 is a restaurant manager.  He lives with his wife and daughter in a bungalow in Marina Del Rey, California.  Say hello to Bobby!
(Audience applause)
Contestant #2 is a housewife. Formally in real estate she spends her time picking up and dropping off kids as well as keeping up with house management.  Say hello to Mary!
(Audience applause)
Contestant #3 owns his own business.  He has a condo by the beach but spends most of his time at his 3 story home near the city.  He spends much of his free time on his boat.  Say hello to Tom!
(Audience applause)
Contestant # 4 has three kids in Jr. High School, her ailing mother-in-law lives in their home and she just found out that her husband got laid off.  Say hello to Jennifer!
(Audience applause)
Here at the Thanksgiving Game Show we know that the biggest Joy stealer is what?
(Everyone) DISCONTENTMENT!
Contestant #1, what does it feel like to live in Marina Del Rey?
Bobby: Well it sounds nice but we live in a bungalow not far from busy streets.  I know that I could be a very joyful person if we lived up on the hill away from the busy streets.  Or if we moved away from busy California all together, like to the country side.  The restaurant I work for has chains all over the United States; I could be transferred to any of them!
Well it sounds like a case of
(Everyone) DISCONTENTMENT!
Bobby, you have a bad case of, “The grass is always greener” syndrome.  Said another way, discontentment in where you are in life.  Contentment is not found “out there” Contentment is found “inside”.  People like you are always looking somewhere else for a joyful life when it is waiting for them right in there own homes and in their own neighborhoods.  If you lived up on that hill then you would see another location that you would perceive as better again missing the mark for a Joy filled life.  Bobby, how can you be grateful for where you are right here and right now?
(Audience applause)
Contestant #2, how is it being in house management?
Mary:  Well the only house I manage is my own.  I use to be helping others achieve their dreams in real estate.  Oh the things I could be doing if I wasn’t cooped up in the home looking after everyone and everything here.  Oh the places I could go if I was not running everyone around to school, activities and doctor visits!  I could be joyful if I was in real estate again.
Well it sounds like a case of
(Everyone) DISCONTENTMENT!
Mary, you have an identity crisis on your hands.  You are discontent in what you do.  You are a wife and a mom.  You are really good at it and yet you think that a certain title and job description will give you a satisfied life, a joy you so desperately need.  People like you miss the mark because they do not value where they are and what they are doing, thinking that in some way it is inferior to what they could be doing “out there”.  Living a satisfied life does not need a real estate title attached to it.  Mary, how can you be grateful for the esteemed titles you are living out right here and right now?
(Audience applause)
Contestant #3, what’s it like to have so much that can make you happy?
Tom: I’m not happy at all.  If I just had the bigger and better stuff then I could really be happy.  It would be easier to get to my appointments if I had my own driver and jet.  Now that would bring Joy.
Well it sounds like a case of
(Everyone) DISCONTENTMENT!
Tom, you will never live a joy filled life as long as you are discontent in what you have.  People have more and less, having is not wrong.  It’s when the having has got you wanting more and more.  People like you miss the mark because they are never satisfied with what they have.  They spend their whole life upgrading and feeling miserable with any step “back”.  Joy is never found in the things you own, if you place it there you will be miserably dissatisfied until you die.  Tom, how can you be grateful for what you have right now?  How little can you be satisfied with?
(Audience applause)
Contestant #4, how is it living with people who love you?
Jennifer:  My kids are teenagers who constantly test the limit, if they were just more like the kids down the street.  And my mother-in-law is always making suggestion on how to keep up with the house, if she could just be more like my mom.  My husband just lost his job last week and he is moving in slow motion, if only he was more motivated like my sister’s husband.
Well it sounds like a case of
(Everyone) DISCONTENTMENT!
Jennifer, you are discontent with who you are with.  “If only they were different.”  People like you have strained relationships because they think that their Joy comes from who they are around.  They allow other’s faults and imperfections determine how satisfied they are.  They spend time trying to change others; wishing that they were like someone else or even worse wishing they were someone else.  Jennifer, the people around you are not at fault for your life attitude.  Change starts with you.  How can you expect to have a better husband if you are not willing to be a better wife?  How can you be grateful for the people in your life today?
(Audience applause, commercial break in 20 sec)
When we come back we will talk about how our contestants can, in their day to day lives, be joyful always.  (1 Thessalonians 5:16)  Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:17) Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. (Romans 12:12)  Be glad and rejoice before God. (Psalm 68:3)  Receive with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:4) Sing joyfully to the Lord because it is fitting for the upright to praise him. (Psalm 33:1)  Have a happy heart that makes faces cheerful and not bring on heartache which crushes the spirit. (Proverbs 15:13)  How they can really allow the Joy of the Lord, His Joy and delight in them, His walking with them, his comfort, his support, his encouragement, his compassion, his Word be their strength. (Nehemiah 8:10) To stop complaining and grumbling (James 5:9) and to be anxious about nothing but in EVERYTHING be THANKFUL bringing their concerns to God and trusting Him with the results (Philippians 4:6) because giving thanks breads Joy!  Who will allow their life attitude to take a shift?  Who will turn off the voice of discontentment and turn on the Voice of gratitude?  Who wants the grand prize of an OVERjoyed life?  All of that, when we return to the Thanksgiving Game Show!

Friday, November 19, 2010

One Morning and Many Personalities

I was at a convention a few years back and watched a skillful presentation of the many "hats" a women wears.  After a nice introduction of each hat personality, these hats started to be reused and switched up until at last they were being stacked on top of each other in a frenzied effort to maintain each personality's integrity.  After searching the web I found that it had been borrowed before.  Knowing that the best ideas are usually stolen... or I mean... BORROWED, I took the liberty to borrow the concept and modify the personalities  for the start of my blog about examining lives.  But before any of that what better way to get started than to examine the many personalities that seem to appear out of nowhere in our day to day lives.  And sometimes in a matter of just minutes!  Because you know it's true that there are, at the very least, 3 different personalities fighting to stay alive in every women.  For example there is "Molly the Mom." She wears a silly monkey hat and sings everything to the tune of "rise and shine".
MOLLY: (silly monkey hat)  I-I read bo-oks, and bake lots of homemade cookies.  I hu-ug the ki-ids and drive away the spooky spookies!
And what about "Wendy the Worker" who wears a hard hat and has a "get down to business" persona.
WENDY: (hard hat) I am sick and tired of this job, all I do is work, work, work and no one ever appreciates me!
And lest we forget "Linda the Love Slave" who shows up with a sexy shall that sharply resembles a poorly homemade scarf and likes to add lots of tigerish growls to her intensely seductive tone.
LINDA: (scarf) I lounge around in my lingerie and lavish love words on my husband like, 'Lover, did you lock the door!  Groowwwllll!'
I don't think men really know how hard it can be for one little lady forced into this daily juggling act.  I mean really, I want my husband to know that I would make a killer Love Slave if I didn't have to be 2 other women at the same time.  I'd just wake up and say...
LINDA: (scarf) Good morning sweetheart, did you sleep well?  Let's just stay in bed a while and...
But then a baby cries or a child's footsteps are heard coming down the hall and the scarf is quickly replaced by a silly monkey hat.
MOLLY: (monkey hat) Ri-ise and shi-ine and give God the glory, glory.  Bru-ush your te-eth and I'll read you a story, story.
Which is then dramatically replaced by a hard hat.
WENDY: (hard hat) Pause that thought, I'll have to read that story later! I still need to pack your lunch, the diaper bag, clean up the dog's throw up and Aunt Maria will be here in 10 minutes for me to bring her to her Doctor's appointment.
And just like that I walk away with a "frustrated" husband and a confused child.  But do you really think the juggling stops there?  Oh me, oh my NO! One look at my son's wet crotch brings out "Courtney the Quarterback" who continuously has easy access to a Nerf football that seems to appear out of mid air.  She makes sure all the house plays are run and executed properly so a wet crotch on this field means it's time for "The Bathroom Run"
COURTNEY: (football) 1, 2, 3, Hut! Run down the hall and around the corner, into the bathroom.  Make sure your pants are all the way down.  Toilet seat up, aim for the center.. oh too far right.. little to the left and yea that's right, First Down!
And we all know that if there was a poopy that had to come out of that little guy then that calls for "Nancy the Nurse" who wears a stethoscope around her neck.  Her charts are extensive, imperative and she barely misses a thing.  No need for an actual real life nursing degree to care for the kids, husband, Aunt Maria, Grandma Gwen and the little old man who lives across the street.  She mends and documents all cuts, bruises, aches, pains, Dr. Visits, everything that goes in and everything that... comes out.
NANCY: (stethoscope) Two days ago his poopy was green and runny.  Yesterday he ate two banana, had rice for lunch and dinner and now it's as hard as a Uncle B's head.  Oatmeal for breakfast and it should be smoooooth sailing tomorrow.
After helping my son "wipe", I take note of the two squares of toilet paper left on the roll and "Arlene the Accountant" is on top of it!  Wearing a tie she calculates.
ARLENE: (tie) If I get toilet paper and not the nail polish I'm still under $5 and don't have to withdraw from the ATM next to the drug store for a $2 charge.  You see I take care of the cash flow including tithe, lunch money, writing checks and I record the ATM's he doesn't.
Next "Suzanne the Psychologist" cant help but give her 2 cents, putting her reading glasses on the very tip of her nose and looking at me in the mirror...
SUZANNE: (glasses) Now why do you think he does not record his ATM's?  What was his relationship like with his mother?
Knowing that sort of questioning will lead me to nowhere good I quickly return my thoughts to the lack of bottom wiping material presently in our home, which inevitably reminds me of yet another errands, yet another "stop" that my soccer mom van has to make in between the kids piano lessons and karate... that is if I can't fit it in this morning. Fighting against the taxi mom image, I can muster up, "Charlotte the Chauffeur" with a snooty and quite annoying attitude of disgust wearing a chauffeur hat.
CHARLOTTE: (chauffeur hat) I drove 4,000 miles last week and permanently small like french fries!
As I walk to the kitchen to get out the oatmeal the chauffeur hat is quickly replaced by a chef hat and out of nowhere I start to talk with a really bad German accent!  "Helga the Housekeeper!"
HELGA: (chef hat) French fries!  French fries!  No wonder they wont eat my cooking, they are always eating French Fries!
By now there is some sort of bickering going on upstairs.  I'm not sure if it is the sound of my kid's voices or the voices in my head that makes "Priscilla the Princess" emerge wearing a cute crown that comes straight from my daughter's dress up princess costumes.  As I pause in front of the sink, it's almost as if I am on stage at a pageant.  Standing before the judges who have just asked a question about what my vision would be for this morning as the kids get off to school.  I place one hand on the microphone and one hand over my heart.  With the the most inspirational tone, I speak.
PRISCILLA: (princess crown) I wish for household peace.  And... to lock myself in the bathroom, take a bubble bath and do my nails!
As reality swiftly sweeps back because my microphone is spraying water on my shirt, "Sarah the Server" puts on her apron and boldly states her priorities!
SARAH: (apron) I give all my TIME to serving others.  You can't name a church committee that I haven't been on.  I've helped 10 people move, built 15 houses in Mexico, fed over 1000 homeless and delivered 4 meals... all last week.  I have a hard time saying, 'no.'
And right on cue my daughter takes advantage of that by asking for some ice cream.
MOLLY: (silly monkey hat) Ye-es you ca-an, later gater after dinner!
And at the very mention of dinner my husband has to ask what we might be having that night.
LINDA: (scarf) Oh I don't know, grrroowwwll, I could peel some grapes and rub your feet.
Without time to take off the scarf the chef hat appears...
HELGA: (chef hat- German accent) Hold on, Dinner?  You want dinner again?  I just cooked dinner last night.  No!  And put on your shoes!
WENDY: (hard hat) I can't think about dinner now!  I still have to change the baby's diaper, finish packing the kids lunches and Aunt Maria will be here any minute!
With a glance at the clock I realize that there is no time to switch up the hats, just keep adding...
NANCY: (add stethoscope) I'm bringing her to her doctor's appointment today.
SARAH: (add apron) And because she's my aunt I can't say no!
MOLLY: (add monkey hat) Kids!  Time to get in the cary-cary!
CHARLOTTE: (add chauffeur hat) I'll get the car.
WENDY: (touch hard hat) Let's go! we're late!
HELGA: (add chef hat-German accent) I'll get the lunches, without french fries!
LINDA: (swoop the scarf) And without grapes, those are for later! ummm, growl.
ARLENE: (tie) Thank God those grapes were on sale at the market yesterday!
SUZANNE: (glasses) Did his mother feed him grapes?
Covered from head to waist with hats, scarfs, glasses and ties I sense it's time for a very important "play" in the house.  "The Transport Play"  I can't really get a good grip on the football due to the memorabilia all over my body, but I do have a SF 49ers helmet that by husband purchased and just happens to fit my head!  So with a loose grip on the ball, hoping not to fumble, I throw on the helmet and pray I don't get hurt... because I might just have to run this play on my own!
CORTNEY: (football and helmet) 1, 2, 3 Hut! Kid's go long for your lunches... oh no, your covered!!!  Ok I'll do it, and I'll grab the baby, the diaper bag, Aunt Maria and everyone is in the car!  (hands on steering wheal)  And we're driving down the field at the 50, and the 40... kids drop off!
MOLLY: (monkey hat) Have a good day-ee day-ee!
CORTNEY: (helmet) At the 30 and 20... Aunt Maria Drop off.
NANCY: (stethoscope-yelling out window) Don't forget to tell them about your lab results!
CORTNEY: (helmet) And the 10... drug store for TP!  And at the 5... back home, sleeping baby in crib, lock myself in the bathroom and... TOUCH DOWN!!!!
PRISCILLA: (crown) oh pickles, I chipped a nail!

And that is one morning with many womanly personalities examined!
Sort of.